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TGoNU

IGAD shrinks recommend: Machar not to be left alone with Kiir for more than 1 minute

An IGAD-formed specialist committee of highly qualified psychiatrists tasked with the secretive psychological evaluation of rebel leader Dr. Riek Machar have submitted their report and have concluded that although ‘the subject (Machar) has demonstrated some remarkable ability to suppress his personal dislike towards Pres. Kiir… it would be unwise to leave the two adversaries alone and unobserved for longer that one minute.’

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Pres. Kiir declares 30 days of mourning following the death of TGoNU

President Salva Kiir has declared a period of one month of mourning following the death of the Transitional Government of National Unity or TGoNU as it’s more commonly known. Flags will be flown at half-mast and to end the mourning period a solemn ceremony will be held on the last day where a coffin full with pretend money symbolic of what has been achieved during this period and it will be buried next to our founder in chief John Garang.

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Presidency withdraws recent ‘cattle deportation’ decree, claims it was from last year

A recent Presidential Decree ordering the ‘return-by-choice’ or face ‘deportation’ of non-Equatorian cattle from Jubek State is said to have been erroneously re-issued and re-broadcasted, and the Presidency has come out to publicly correct that mess.

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UN takes full responsibility for Pres. Kiir’s insensitivity about the suffering of the people of South Sudan

The United Nation’s Mission in South Sudan (UNMISS) has come out and publicly claimed full responsibility for the almost psychopathic behaviour of the President of South Sudan, Pres. Salva Kiir, who – in interviews, public speeches and closed-door diplomatic meetings- continues to adamantly exempt himself of the responsibility of the woes that has befallen the young nation and its people.

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Tired of war, South Sudan musicians resolve to create crappy music

A group of extremely talented South Sudanese musicians have said they have had enough of this senseless war and worsening living conditions, and have resolved to act in unified protest by writing only annoying songs and producing crappy music to draw attention to the situation of the world’s newest nation.

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US Amb. Haley to offer Pres. Kiir Texan-Retirement-Deal in exchange for peace

In his inaugural speech to the United Nations General Assembly in September, United States President Donald J Trump decried the suffering of the people of South Sudan because of the war and pledged to send his UN Ambassador Haley to the country in October to do some diplomacy magic and end the conflict for good.

Continue reading “US Amb. Haley to offer Pres. Kiir Texan-Retirement-Deal in exchange for peace”

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