Boeing accepts challenge to build Kiir’s $73M crash-proof jet

Presented with what appears to be a set of impossible requirements, Boeing has stepped up to the challenge and agreed to build a pimped out, crash-proof, 4 wheel-drive, 7-seater $73M presidential jet for the President of the world’s newest nation,

JCE’s inspired plan to manage Pres. Kiir’s ‘happiness issue’

The Jieng Council of Elders (JCE) is recommending the creation of a specialised High Commission that will monitor, manage and sustain the state of happiness of Pres. Kiir. This comes after a recent independent study concluded that the state of the nation suffers, thousands die and many more pack their bags when Pres. Salva Kiir Mayardit is unhappy.

Personal doctor hints that Pres. Kiir has breast cancer

Out of what he says are pure concerns for the health of his patient, the personal physician of the President of South Sudan Dr. Mawien Akot – a renowned Breast Cancer specialist – has revealed that the President has multiple health issues, and joins others in advising the leader of South Sudan to step down as his cocktail of Scottish whisky and medical marijuana treatments have failed to cure his ailments.

Kiir’s Press Secretary hijacks Radio Miraya to read out new MTN telephone numbers

Following the shutdown of the telecom firm Vivacell, Ateny Wek Ateny – the Press Secretary in the Office of the President- is said to have ‘hijacked for some minutes’ a talk show of the UN-sponsored Radio Miraya to read and repeat a long list of new MTN mobile telephones numbers (private and official) of himself, senior government officials, institutions and some JCE members.

Israelis reveal fatal flaw as its CCTV facial recognition software is ‘unfamiliar with South Sudanese faces’

Coming just weeks after the launch of a multi-million dollar CCTV and drones project to curb crime in the city of Juba, the Israeli firm behind the project has finally admitted that its software is unable to correctly differentiate one dark South Sudanese face from another especially at night. As a result, no criminal can legally be arrested or convicted of being a ‘domestic rebel’ as crimes continue to reign supreme around town.

CCTV and drones system to be used in the fight against ‘domestic rebels’

Just days after the launching of the first drone surveillance system in Juba, and the installation of the 11 CCTV cameras originally intended to curb crime, Saakam has learned the scheme has been expanded to track down ‘domestic rebels’ such as illegal sex workers, sinning and adulterous husbands and wives getting all illegal in hotels and brothels across the capital.