The United Nation’s Mission in South Sudan (UNMISS) has come out and publicly claimed full responsibility for the almost psychopathic behaviour of the President of South Sudan, Pres. Salva Kiir, who – in interviews, public speeches and closed-door diplomatic meetings- continues to adamantly exempt himself of the responsibility of the woes that has befallen the young nation and its people.
A group of extremely talented South Sudanese musicians have said they have had enough of this senseless war and worsening living conditions, and have resolved to act in unified protest by writing only annoying songs and producing crappy music to draw attention to the situation of the world’s newest nation.
South Sudan donors, popularly known by several aliases such as ‘Friends of South Sudan’, Troika (USA, UK and Norway), together with other countries like China, Japan and even Ireland and Somalia have teamed up and are about to finalise a drafted radical plan that aims to revitalise not only the so-called peace process but also catapult the new nation into a futuristic dreamland where war, famine and disease could become ancient history.
A few women MPs at the National Legislative Council (NLC) have expressed their outrage upon discovery of a semi-secretive financial scheme known as the ‘second wife allowance’ that grants financial benefits to their bigamous and polygamous male colleagues and are calling for the immediate castration of this male-only allowance – Saakam has learned.
South Sudanese billionaire aka The Young Tycoon, the step-son of the former SPLA Chief of General Staff Gen. Paul Malong Awan, was reportedly visibly distressed after being stuck for around two hours in a deluxe state-of-the-art pay-as-you-go VIP toilet in an undisclosed holiday resort when all his VISA credit cards were rejected just moments after the USA imposed sanctions on his step-father and froze all his ass-ets.
Former SPLA Chief of General Staff Gen. Paul Malong is preconditioning that a regional protection force – preferably from Kenya – be present in Juba, the capital of South Sudan, before he sets foot there.