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News and articles written in Juba-Arabic

Personal doctor hints that Pres. Kiir has breast cancer

Out of what he says are pure concerns for the health of his patient, the personal physician of the President of South Sudan Dr. Mawien Akot – a renowned Breast Cancer specialist – has revealed that the President has multiple health issues, and joins others in advising the leader of South Sudan to step down as his cocktail of Scottish whisky and medical marijuana treatments have failed to cure his ailments.

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Church, government find single mother’s choice of baby’s name weird

A single mother in Juba has been the talk of the town, the subject of talk-show and headline news after a priest in a baptism ceremony refused point blank to christen her baby boy the name she had chosen.
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Israelis reveal fatal flaw as its CCTV facial recognition software is ‘unfamiliar with South Sudanese faces’

Coming just weeks after the launch of a multi-million dollar CCTV and drones project to curb crime in the city of Juba, the Israeli firm behind the project has finally admitted that its software is unable to correctly differentiate one dark South Sudanese face from another especially at night. As a result, no criminal can legally be arrested or convicted of being a ‘domestic rebel’ as crimes continue to reign supreme around town.
Continue reading “Israelis reveal fatal flaw as its CCTV facial recognition software is ‘unfamiliar with South Sudanese faces’”

South Sudan anticipates mass exodus of refugees after Twitter 280-character expansion

South Sudan anticipates many more of its population to flee the country as Twitter doubles its character limit, Saakam has learned.

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Pres. Kiir said to deny Gen. Malong’s human rights following tighter conditions for conjugal visits

Another day and another new republican order in the saga that is South Sudan. This time Saakam has discovered that it has sealed the fate of the extended house-arrest of Gen. Paul Malong by making it official. And it is being described by the many spouses of the detainee as ‘denying him his human rights [to bear future baby Malongs]’ as the order restricts all conjugal visits unless approved in advance by the Chief of Defence Forces of the SPLA, a holy blessing by the SPLA parish-priest and the latest advice from the SPLA-appointed family-planning expert.

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Tired of war, South Sudan musicians resolve to create crappy music

A group of extremely talented South Sudanese musicians have said they have had enough of this senseless war and worsening living conditions, and have resolved to act in unified protest by writing only annoying songs and producing crappy music to draw attention to the situation of the world’s newest nation.

Continue reading “Tired of war, South Sudan musicians resolve to create crappy music”

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