South Sudanese billionaire aka The Young Tycoon, the step-son of the former SPLA Chief of General Staff Gen. Paul Malong Awan, was reportedly visibly distressed after being stuck for around two hours in a deluxe state-of-the-art pay-as-you-go VIP toilet in an undisclosed holiday resort when all his VISA credit cards were rejected just moments after the USA imposed sanctions on his step-father and froze all his ass-ets.
It may be a coincidence but it would appear that the sanctions took effect immediately as all bank accounts and financial transactions belonging to or connected with the former general were inaccessible. But given Young Tycoon’s tendency to try to get attention whenever necessary, one would be forgiven to think that maybe this was just a publicity stunt… although being known as the rich person stuck in a VIP bog is not exactly a great claim to fame.
The events of the day appear otherwise, Saakam heard from a source that is privy to this kind of stuff that our Young Tycoon was oblivious to the day’s breaking news or that there were financial gears set in motion by the US sanctions committee on his step-father and his myriad of companies, so on this fateful day the Young Tycoon unknowingly entered that king-sized auto-flashing VIP toilet with his smartphone hoping to record and post another ‘see-how-blessed-and-rich-I-am’ video on Facebook and promptly came undone.
According a selected few rich enough to afford to get into one of these fancy state-of-the-art toilets, these rarely researched domains for the ultra-rich – these VIP loos are normally the size of an apartment in China – they come equipped with instant sound-proof hand-dryers, velvet cushioned toilet seats, top of the range designer toilet papers, military grade robotic arms that can do the nasty commoner tasks and many more fancy futuristic stuff like neon lights and purple coloured flushes that smell of hyacinths.
After reportedly doing his business, The Young Tycoon attempted to settle the bill for his time spent in the loo, but incredibly card after card the VISA machine politely alerted him to the fact that the transaction was declined, with no cash option available (for personal hygiene reasons), our South Sudanese VIP was caught with his pants down in the powder-room.
Meanwhile, the office of foreign assets at the US Department of Treasury was ensuring that all Malong-related assets were frozen and that all persons and companies were prevented from dealing with him.
After roughly two hours, The Young Tycoon was finally rescued from the little boy’s room, but those involved in the rescue (refusing to go into the details) were quoted as saying that “if the same level of diplomacy to rescue the step-son of a US-sanction war-crimes offender could be applied to South Sudan, then there is still hope that peace can be achieved there.”
Well that’s a relief to us all.
It is yet unclear of The Young Tycoon managed to make a recording of the ordeal, but rest assured, Saakam will be keeping you all updated as we receive more detail.
According to several Saakam sources, The Young Tycoon made his fortune through his involvement in mining businesses in South Sudan. On the hand, his step-father got sanctioned for his involvement in undermining peace and stability.