A ‘rookie’ US Embassy official is said to have caused a diplomatic row – that has since been contained – between the host government of South Sudan and the USA after he ‘officially’ requested to know ‘the dimensions’ of Pres. Salva Kiir’s head.

According to witnesses who were at the Presidency the time, the first recipients of the official request found it a bit odd and rude, even by South Sudanese standards, and immediately started to loudly wonder what America was up to next.

“They want to know the size of the President’s head? Why, do they want to replace it”, one wondered.

The issue was quickly translated from English to local Arabic then to local languages and when translated back to English, it roughly meant “Trump wants to know Pres. Kiir’s head is big enough to determine the presence (or lack of) any presidential grey matter between the ears”.

However, a local staff working at the US Embassy there who delivered request by the alien-who-wants-to-overthrow-the-government-by-replacing Kiir’s head  quickly jumped in and told the crowd that the Kawaja (white man) was just asking the size of the cowboy hat the President normally wears.

“It was like asking the waist size of someone’s wife when you wanted to buy her an underpants – that is just weird, why would anyone want to do that…” wondered another witness.

Saakam has since learnt that the Trump Administration had sent an email (that Saakam has not officially seen) to a few Trump-appointed rookie diplomats stationed there to get the hat-size of Pres. Kiir as the plan to the purchase of specially crafted cowboy hats as gifts for the President and wanted to confidentially know the exact sizes.

As has become customary for US administrations since former President George Bush, every new US administration gave Pres. Kiir specially tailored cowboy hats to replace the one or ones given to him by the previous administration.

It is also a well-known secret that Senator Kerry made some consideration diplomatic effort at the expense of US tax-payers to gift Pres. Kiir, in front of journalists, the cowboy hat that he still wears today, replacing the one given to him by Pres. Bush.

Sen. Kerry offering South Sudan Pres. Kiir a cowboy hat replacing one given to him by former US Pres. George Bush

The US Embassy in Juba has apologized for the blunder and rude approach saying that normally, it would have used its intelligence services to get such information, but…

Juba, on the other hand, has called on its supporters to cool down, and has denied allegations and fears that the Americans wanted to weigh Kiir’s head to determine the presence (or lack of), state and condition of any presidential brain matter better the ears.

Saakam can now confirm to you that South Sudan will not declare war, nor launch its missiles, against USA or their regional bases, as previously feared.

As usual, Saakam will keep you updated.

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