The family of the deceased Sudanese Islamic scholar is pleading with authorities to return his set of “keys to the heavens” that was confiscated, along with other personal treasures  a few years ago following a fall-out with the current Islamic regime when Turabi – the deceased – denounced their version of Jihad.

The “keys to the heavens” are a sacred set of keys issued only to a selected group of proven mujahedeen or Islamic fighters/scholars. The keys are believed to grant direct access to gates of paradise, and all the heavenly glories like the 72 virgins and many many more goodies that await martyrs of Islam. Once issued the keys, all mujahedeen are expected to have the keys on their person at all times.

Turabi’s “keys to the heavens” were confiscated and never returned when he disagreed with the version of Jihad that the government of Sudan was executing in Darfur – a region to the west of that Afro-Arab-Islamic country. Without the keys, the family of the late fear the controversial Islamic scholar’s soul might not gain access to his asserts – an investment he worked so hard to build, and one which saw the loss of millions of lives mainly his fellow Jihadists and other infidels mostly from South Sudan.

While Turabi’s expected death (here on earth) briefly interrupted some media houses when they reported it as breaking news, it is not clear how the heavens are handling his passing given the popular scholar does not have with him his “keys to the heavens”. It is also unclear whether there is an intermediary stage like a limbo or purgatory  where Jihadists wait while affairs like missing keys are being sorted. We know for sure that he will not gain access to his heavenly investments or assets until the situation is resolved.

As always, as soon as Saakam has some RIP-ping news from the gates of the heavens we’ll be coming on back to you.