The whole territory of South Sudan is scheduled to be taken on by UNESCO for preservation as a designated world heritage site – a ruling by the UN has concluded following irrefutable evidence that no known political or humanitarian approach can rescue the situation there.

The decision came after experts concluded that the world’s youngest and most under-developed country is worth more to the whole of humanity as a living pre-historic museum, and that trying to fix its political problems or develop the region is nothing but a waste of time and resources.

Also, because of this backwardness, lack of development and absences of rule of law, South Sudan is unique in its own right as it is largely one of the only places in the whole universe that is exactly as it was before humans started building institutions (sic).

UNESCO, the UN body specialised in sites that have historical and anthropological importance to the global civilised community, resolved that South Sudan, if preserved as it is now, is a wealth of an imaginable importance. The civilised world could use that place as a living example of how pre-historic humans used to go about their business.

With the resolution comes a few decisions that will seem a bit too out of this world, but according to UNESCO, let everyone be reminded that this is South Sudan the world is dealing with!

“South Sudan is not only an African state, it is unique in more than one way. Not only is most of it STILL as it was when the when the rest of the world decided to become civilised, but we have acquired reliable intelligence that some of the wild life that came off Noah’s Arc are still roaming around in the place – making it highly valuable to the civilised humanity”.

There are still hurdles to overcome namely how to preserve the failing but still sovereign independent country, and also the challenge of relocating some of the over 11 million inhabitants that do not fit the bill. This is the first time in history that UNESCO will be taking on a whole failing but still sovereign independent country.

“It is rare to find such an expanse that fits the criteria to be considered for selection on the heritage list.  Although UNESCO is fast tracking South Sudan to be added to help preserve such a site of global importance.  South Sudan is one heck of a large expanse of universal value and is unique with its cultural tradition which is at risk of disappearing if left to its own devices; South Sudan exhibits an important interchange of human values that could disappear through famine, disease, climate change and war and full of areas of exceptional natural beauty to name but a few reasons it shines in our importance.

“Our next step is to relocate those in the population who drop litter and use non-traditional building materials such as corrugated tin roofing and dress in culturally inappropriate clothing and are open to culturally unacceptable income generation schemes such as bribing and corruption. Soon South Sudan will once again be a place of human development, fishing, and agriculture, with that will come more building of Tukuls and only Tukuls. As a nod to the Paris Climate Change COP21 outcomes, plastic bottles and plastic bags will be banished and replaced under a traditional replacement carry scheme.”